There you are, it’s been 20 minutes since you have been endlessly scrolling to find something that turns you on. It doesn’t matter if it is supposed to be a “niche porn search”, the results show mostly a mainstream blond with a mainstream body with a mainstream bold “overfit” man who overdid steroids covered in tattoos (why are they all covered in tattoos?).

She overreacts with her screams, hurries the intercourse (seems like she is eager to jump into the scene so they finish as fast a possible?). Their performance is just a recreation of the many similar porn scenes filmed in unfurnished or basically furnished mainstream rented houses with white walls and marble kitchen islands. Women are often in the submissive role (nothing wrong with it tho) is just that, is so common.

The men who like this kind of porn are mostly aroused by the same scenes: the doggy style position, the “her against the wall” position, the less you can see her face the better. Men who like this kind of scenes are self centered, obsessed with the visuals of a dick penetrating a hole, because that’s what 70% of the next porn scene is going to be about: angles of a hole (“pussy”) being penetrated by a dick, followed by basic fast oral sex performed on the female, long dramatic oral sex performed on the male plus hand job.

I have no place judging any sort of sexual preference, but I do because this material is crowding the porn platforms (as it should because of general demand). When this is the sex reference that most of the people are exposed to, I can understand why the general public doesn’t get fetishes and kinks, and criticize the ones who live a kinky life.

In my case, I struggle to intimately connect with the men who are not self aware to understand their own sexuality (mostly the “mainstream men”). The sexual connections I make are with men who are fetishist. While the average man is predictable and visual, the kinky and fetishist man is a complex piece of art.

Men who like fetishes can see beyond the obvious, they are aroused by behaviors, words and symbols. In my opinion: fetishism is for intellectuals.

Fetishism is the beauty of the untold. The erotism found in the stains on some women’s lingerie. Getting to know a woman through the smell of her vaginal scents, the visuals of that sticky transparent or whitish fluid when she gets wet.

The feeling of sucking a curvy toe on a well groomed foot, the arousal that I get from a self aware man who knows that an orgasm is more intense when is craved while he begs for his domme’s permission, so he is allowed to cum.

Fetishist know that sex starts on the mind

You see, most of men, deep down know, sex starts way before intercourse. It is a ritual that comes with the high that provides the chase, the craving of the object of desire, the arousal of imagining how it would be to finally share that orgasmic moment with someone who is worthy of it. But they are trapped in a vicious cycle of fast self gratification only to realize how disappointing the sex they were trying to hurry was, because there was nothing else to it, that masturbating against someone else’s body.

And this is why I like fetish and kinky men, men who see arousal in behaviors and symbolisms, is like they really knew how to see through a woman. This kind of men fits so well with the dynamics that make me horny, my insatiable money fetish, my need to make my rules and being dominant. creating my own safe space and use elements and behaviors that represent the part of my sexuality hidden in my jungian shadow.

Sometimes, one fetish like findom can be linked to many other fetishes such as: lingerie fetish, heel fetish, feet fetish as I wrote here, and this is when it gets interesting, as I love to analyze men who have complex sexual behaviors. Individuals who get aroused with scents, who find the shape of a shoe heel erotic, men who can appreciate and worship the legs of a goddess, who cum while sending their money savings to a dangerous and seductive woman, while denying themselves of their own pleasure.

Being brave enough to put themselves in a position of experiencing more than they ever thought possible, being vulnerable enough to allow themselves to experience true psychological control, the psychological barriers of the submissive provide an intellectual challenge for both involved in the fetish.

The most exciting challenges for me, are the ones that come from the most risky fetishes, those that I mentioned on my post here as “ruin fetish”. The mysterious dance where the submissive man has the urge to be exploited, to be shaken, while the domme has an urge to be served while being immersed in her pleasure. Both immersed in a complete sense of freedom, a pleasure that only two people who share their sexual secret lives can understand.

How does a Domme in a hospitality job (a typical submissive role) explains to her clients that she reaches sexual pleasure while she is worshiped by a group of men she calls: pay pigs? when she is being worship her ? How does a submissive explains to his employees that for once he would like for them to make the rules, to make the decisions for him?

Findom: the dance between risk and humiliation

My favorite fetish to share has to be Findom (I won’t go into any details on what is findom, if you want a definition, you can find it here). Findom is a fetish that enters in the umbrella term of BDSM. In my experience, I have found that my submissives find pleasure when experiencing a sense of risk and humilliation this is a deep psychological behavior that I had to develop more here. It is intriguing for me how we both can get so aroused while doing something that seems dangerous and borderline humiliating. For me, paypigs are the materialization of the legendary pirates who were mezmerized by sirens. There is a reason why legends of misterios dangerous woman are so seductive and still relevant, and its because these strong emotions of risk, destruction and danger are so seductive.

In the words of Robert Greene:

Dangerous women, they really could almost destroy a man. Why a man would ever be interested in a woman like that is the question. Why did Caesar fall for Cleopatra?

Because men secretly want that, they want the danger, they want the possibility that maybe this woman would destroy them. They want the element of risk involved they are secretly attracted to it.